Welcome to the zombpocalypse

12 Oct

Yeah, I know that you know that I know that you know things are desperate. Twenty years ago, the H1Z1 variant Y virus wiped out 99.9999 percent of men on earth, leaving behind a couple billion rotting zombies and obliterating all hope of your ever having a satisfying relationship with a living human male.

Blah blah blah.

I’ve heard your sad song before, sister, and I’m here to change your tune.

Those couple billion rotting zombies? They’re ready to commit. They have no fidelity issues. And they love to go shopping for shoes.

In some ways, a zombie boyfriend is even better than a human boyfriend. He never complains if you’re running a little late, and his ego doesn’t get in a twist if you make more money than he. The zombified mind is an enlightened one.

Interested but don’t know where to start? You start here. I’m Hattie Cross and I write the weekly Girls’ Guide to Dating Zombies for the Daily Scoopage. I can tell you where to meet a zombie, how to meet a zombie, what to wear when meeting a zombie and what to do once you’ve met him. I’ll give you advice on regulating your boyzomb’s appetite, controlling his stench and curtailing his putrefaction. I’ll even discuss the perennially “icky” topic of zombie sex. Trust me, there are good times ahead.

Welcome to the zombpocalypse. It’s not all bad.

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