“You’re standing on my foot!” and other things your zombie is trying to tell you

1 Feb

It’s easy to become discouraged when you hear the garbled nonsense your zombie spews. (I’m looking at you, Mostly As and Bs. Not sure which “mostly” you are: As, Bs, Cs or Ds? Take our “Your Zombie Said Wha…?” quiz to find out!) But learning to decipher zombese is not as tricky as you think. Simply refine your ear to become more in tune with the subtle differences in pronunciation.

Still sounds too challenging? Try supplementing what you hear with what you see. Each word a zombie says is formed in a particular way, according to Lauren March, an Australian mezzo-soprano whose book, Decoding Zombie Speech for the Masses, is the definitive work on the subject. “Keeping a careful eye on a zombie’s mouth is the surefire method to understand his every utterance,” she says. “Ugh, for example, is formed by the slight bending of the lower lip. Its complement, ergh, is formed by a slight bending of the upper lip. Neh is made when what is left of the tongue presses against the front roof of the mouth. Meh is made when what is left of the tongue presses against the back roof of the mouth.”

March’s system is easy, reliable and guaranteed to bring you and your boyzomb closer together. Nothing fosters intimacy like conversation!  But it only works with zombies who have sufficient mouth architecture. If you are dependent on visual cues for understanding, think carefully before entering a relationship with a zombie whose lips and tongue have rotted away.

Practice is key to any successful endeavor, so study the glossary below and commit the words to memory.  Then get chatting!


Word                        Type                               Meaning

Ag                                exclamation                  conveys frustration

Argh                           statement                        “I hate flies.”

Ack                              statement                       “You’re standing on my foot.”

Egh                              exclamation                  conveys annoyance at flies circling head

Ekk                              interjection                    “Ouch!”

Ergh                            statement                        “I want to dance.”

Grr                               statement                       “I’m full.”

Igg                               exclamation                   conveys satisfaction

Igk                               interjection                   “Oh, no, a hat!”

Irgh                             statement                        “Brains good!”

Meh                             interjection                    “Good brains!”

Mrgh                           greeting                          “Hello”

Neh                              statement                       “Nice shoes”

Oog                             statement                        “I want to watch football.”

Ooga                          statement                         “I want to watch more football.”

Oogagg                      question                          “Hey, why did you turn off the football?”

Oaw                            interjection                    “Yummy brains!”

Ow                              exclamation                   conveys sadness

Ugg                             question                           “Do I smell brains?”

Ugh                             statement                        “I’m hungry.”

Uhn                            exclamation                    conveys desire to go  shoe shopping


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