Is Mom a zombaphobe? Don’t adjudicate—educate!

8 Feb

All those years of imagining that wonderful moment when you tell Mom you’re getting married, you never once pictured her trembling in horror and shrieking Dear God, no!

Disappointing? Yes. But to be fair, neither did she.

When your mother was young, human males were plentiful and a girl had her pick of the fresh-flesh litter. Back then, the saying “There are plenty of fish in the sea,” didn’t actually refer to fish; it referred to men.

In the wake of the great zombie plague, that sea has dried up, but your mother, like most women her age, has been slow to adapt. She wants to be there for you, but she doesn’t know how to support you through what she sees as troubling life choices. Although this problem might seem very specific to our particular zombie age, it is, in fact, reflective of the common generational wrangling every age engages in.

Before you despair, try these tried-and-true techniques. Your mom will be overplanning your wedding in no time!

Hear her out. Although you probably want to dismiss her attitude as reflexive zombaphobia, let her share her concerns. Agree that, yes, a relationship with a zombie has challenges. Consider mentioning a few that you yourself have experienced. If you find the constant little splatters of brain matter on your carpet vexing, tell her so. Knowing her concerns aren’t completely one-sided will go a long way to eradicating them.

Talk up the upside. As right as your mom is about the disadvantages, she’s equally wrong about the lack of advantages. There are plenty. Take some time and tell her what they are. Say, “You know, Mom, with this new promotion at work, I’m putting in tons of late hours. Joe doesn’t mind at all. Plus, he won’t say a word if you want to stay with us for a week.”

Get on the same page. It’s unlikely your mom understands the zombie language, let alone believes it exists. Give her lessons. (You can find a complete glossary of terms here.) Most of the “violent” and “rough” behavior commonly attributed to zombies is a product of frustration. Just like you, he simply wants to be understood. Explain that to your mom. I’m sure she’ll understand.

 Leave them alone together. Not for long at first: Take the dog for a walk, run out for a carton of milk—any quick errand that leaves them alone for fifteen or so minutes. Zombaphobia is really just a fear of the unknown, and the only thing that ever overcomes ignorance is knowledge. So give your mom a chance to acquire some.

Cut her some slack. For years, your mom has seen horrific portrayals of zombies as brain-eating monsters in the movies and on TV, and she’s just reacting to those familiar images. They have no bearing on reality, and eventually, she will figure that out. Keep a positive, love-me-love-my-zombie attitude, and with a little time, she’ll do both!

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2 Responses to “Is Mom a zombaphobe? Don’t adjudicate—educate!”

  1. cestlavie22 February 8, 2012 at 1:28 pm #

    Lol this is a pretty funny and modern way to give advice! I might just purchase the book for a chuckle! Glad I stumbled across this 🙂

  2. zombiedating February 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

    Do! The book’s middle name is “chuckles,” and, at only $2.99 for e-copy, it has a chuckle-to-penny ratio of 303.75 to 1.

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