Zombie sex misconception #4: Zombies lose arms and legs all the time.

9 Feb

Once upon a time, zombies were a walking junkyard of littered limbs and scattered digits, but the new generation of zombaceuticals successfully halts the breakdown of ligament fibers, the number one cause of limb discharge. Limb retention is almost at a staggering 75 percent, which means most domesticated zombies have the vast majority of their limbs.

And don’t worry: Recent studies show that sex is neither more likely nor less likely to cause a limb mishap, disproving earlier theories that the rigors of intercourse are too much for their fragile frames.

Despite great advances in science, zombies still tend to lose their fingers and toes at an alarming rate and any discussion about zombies and sex would be remiss to not mention it. If a zombie loses a finger or toe during intercourse, stop what you’re doing immediately and fetch your zombie repair kit. Sew the digit back into place, wait ten minutes and resume previous activity.

Odds are, it’ll never happen to you, but it’s smart to be prepared, so make sure to keep your zombie repair kit up to date. Better safe than sorry.

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