Here at The Girls’ Guide to Dating Zombies, we’re all about looking on the bright side of things. So what if the zombie apocalypse turned 99.9999 percent of human males into zombies?! Zombies aren’t all bad. Below, our top 5 reasons zombies make better boyfriends. Pick your favorite and send it with a note (“And you thought John grunted a lot!”) to your pals. Simply follow the Greeting Card link.
Reason #5 No quibbling over clothes! Your zombie boyfriend will let you dress him any way you want. His sense of style is your sense of style. Bow tie? Yes, please. Waistcoat? Double-breasted preferred. Bolero? Bring it on!
Reason #4 Sociability! Your zombie boyfriend will get along great with all your friends. He’ll never make an obnoxious comment about Sadie’s pretentious dinner parties or Catherine’s appallingly bad fake British accent.
Reason #3 Shoe shopping! Your zombie boyfriend loves shopping for shoes and will cheerfully spend hours in a chair watching you try on pair after pair. Torn between the red pumps and the pink heels? Let your boyzomb decide! His taste is impeccable. Best of all: He won’t notice price, let alone grunt with disapproval when those sexy slides set you back half a mortgage payment.
Reason #2 Total career support! Your zombie boyfriend won’t feel threatened by your job or how much money you make—he doesn’t even know what money is! Moreover, he won’t complain if you cancel plans because you have to work late. He’ll support your career 110 percent and will never require you to compromise it for the good of your relationship.
Reason #1 Complete devotion! Your zombie boyfriend won’t wince at the wordcommitment or leave you wondering if he’ll call. Dating a zombie means no more mind games, no more sitting by the phone, no more will-he-or-won’t-he conversations, no more ugly scenes at your cousin Judy’s wedding, no more drama. Your days of obsessing over your boyfriend’s every word and action are behind you. Rejoice!
Have your own reason why zombies make better boyfriends? Great! We’d love to hear it. Leave it in the comment box, and our illustrator will create an amazing image for it. Then we’ll add it to the e-card options, so others can see it and send it to their friends.
What are you waiting for? Get sending!